Let Your Alter Ego Come Out to Play During Sex

Fantasising during sex might or might not be a bad thing

It is happening again. Everything is fine, I am onto my third orgasm and the sex is just… great. And yet I catch myself gazing away with eyes closed, somewhere above the ceiling, and I am not where I want to be, and I am not where I am supposed to be.

I am dissociating from what I feel, I shut my eyes tight and I am thinking about something else — or to be more precise something else with someone else.

My partner is here. He is doing everything to give me a good time and in fairness, he does.

But it feels bad that I want more, it feels that I always want more, and just what I have is not enough — no matter the orgasms, no matter how I like his body on and in my body… my mind wanders to a different scene, and as much as it is turning me on, I feel awful about it. And this doesn’t help the sensations. My motions become mechanical and despite all the pleasure my guilty self wants it to be over.

In my mind, I am completely not in charge. I am taken and I am used and while his movements are not really gentle, I still want it to be rougher, I want him to grab me and pull my hair.

I nod a little nervously, and I start to wonder what gave me away. I am enjoying what we are doing, so why am I carried away by these thoughts of submission, by this woman who is not really me — yet it feels that she is more me than I can ever become?

In the majority of cases, the admission of these fantasies came with a lot of guilt and frustration — as the participants perceived it to be failing to stay in the moment and in some cases even a kind of mental cheating too.

As it is clear from the data, fantasising during sex is more common than it seems — and depending on the reason for fantasising it can be a problem, or it can add another erotic element to the sexual experience.

Related posts:

I was talking to a friend, and she made an interesting point about our shared deepest suffering, arising from our fear of our own mortality. I‌ feel like there is a combination of words I could write…

Soy una Pringada sabe que algún día se quitará la vida. Dice que ahora está contenta, pero que no entiende el significado de nada. Para mí, persona con pensamientos suicidas desde hace 10 años, no…

You have been away for a long time. Leaving me, us and memories. Where are you going? What punishment it is?. Until now I could not find you. If only at that time you did not insist, it would be…